And Then I Am Gone - A Walk With Thoreau

And Then I Am Gone: A Walk with Thoreau tells the story of a New York City man who becomes an Alabama man. Despite his radical migration to simpler living and a late-life marriage to a saint of sorts, his persistent pet anxieties and unanswerable questions follow him. Mathias Freese wants his retreat from the societal "it" to be a brave safari for the self rather than cowardly avoidance, so who better to guide him but Henry David Thoreau, the self-aware philosopher who retreated to Walden Pond "to live deliberately" and cease "the hurry and waste of life"? In this memoir, Freese wishes to share how and why he came to Harvest, Alabama (both literally and figuratively), to impart his existential impressions and concerns, and to leave his mark before he is gone.

**

The latest memoir from Mathias Freese shares a group of essays that work to examine, share, criticize, wonder, and, most of all, ask questions that don't necessarily have answers. At seventy-six years old, Freese is starting over with a house in the woods that cost a lot more than Thoreau's jealousy-inducing twenty-eight dollar shack of peace. However, the house itself represents the offering of a simpler life, even if it comes with a heavy restoration bill. 

The idea behind this memoir seems to be connecting with Thoreau but also connecting with the self. Freese writes about his health problems and the health problems of his wife. He shares words of wisdom as well as words of heavy criticism, including criticism of the political climate the U.S. is currently experiencing. However, the heaviest subject that Freese explores is that of his own impending death. Not that he's dying of a specific disease or cause, but he is slowly moving toward the end of the lifespan of a typical human being. With that added weight, Freese questions his self while examining his personal discoveries and sharing what brings him joy. 

My favorite parts of this memoir were when Freese focused on his own writing. His process and reason for writing were incredibly interesting to me and I found myself most absorbed in the essays that tackled this subject. Or included it. Maybe it's the writer in me or the student, but when Freese shared his experiences with bits of writer's block as well as his personal motives for writing, I felt engaged with the essay, not just connected to the writer. 

Though Freese only focuses directly on Thoreau in the opening and closing essays, Thoreau's influence runs throughout the entire collection. While I was reading, I found myself and my feelings coinciding with what Freese was examining. I laughed, I felt joy, I felt fear. Though I did expect a little bit of a hint toward or focus on feeling peace, that was not Freese's purpose for sharing these essays, at least not that I gathered. 

After reading this collection, I felt that Freese's purpose for writing these essays was to get to know himself as a man who is reaching the end of his life, as well as share what influenced him and question his own experience. However, I do wish I'd read more of Thoreau's Walden then just excerpts before reading this memoir. I felt like I could have better connected with Freese had I read the entire book. Regardless, it was an interesting memoir that doesn't seem to fit in the genre of journal or autobiography. And Then I Am Gone is really a subjective interpretation of what could be the final leg of Freese's journey, though it doesn't have as many answers or conclusions a reader might expect. It offers the questions so that the readers can decide the answers. I think readers who enjoy internal exploration and perhaps those who enjoy philosophical meanderings would like reading this memoir. 

Rating: 3.5/5 Cups

What's Next, Wednesday (89)

•  To play along share a book you've been looking forward to reading, whether it's new or has been on your reading list for a while.

I'm looking forward to... 

And Then I am Gone: A Walk with Thoreau by Mathias Freese. This book is an exploration by the author to live a more simple life. As I'm always thinking about simplifying various aspects of my seemingly crazy life, I think this book might give me a little perspective. Or maybe it'll just offer some peace. :) 

Code Name: Papa

Who'd have thought a bright, but fairly ordinary young man from middle class America who got just above average grades, dated the same girl throughout high school and went to church most Sundays, would grow up to eventually head a very secretive band of brave individuals--both men and women--who regularly put their lives on the line because they wanted to protect the rest of you. Yet that's what we did, often sacrificing our personal lives (four marriages for me, all in the book) and our health (countless broken bones, major surgeries, even death) to do it.

Meanwhile you're just going to have to call me "Papa" like everyone else around the globe has through most of those wildly unpredictable and dangerous years.

*May Contain Spoilers*

John Murray, which I presume may not be the real name of the author, shares the story of his life as the participant and the head of a covert operation in his book, Code Name: Papa - My Extraordinary Life While Hiding in Plain Sight. The missions that this group were assigned were not necessarily illegal and were believed to be in pursuit of the greater good. Yet, death and disaster hang over them all, giving readers a glimpse into what leading a double life as a secret agent of justice could be like. 

The stories shared within this book are like memories, passed down orally, from a grandfather to a diary or a dear friend. The book doesn't read like a typical novel. It reads like a transcription from some lost recording. John is the narrator of the book, sharing how he became part of this unnamed group, how he was chosen to lead it, and the various missions that were completed under his management. Of course, for this specific job, John had to be fearless, brave, trusting, loyal, and secretive. Though he doesn't ask the reader to like him, or to understand him, readers will have a sense of both by the end of the book. It's disturbing that he took part in so much death in order to save countless others, including individuals and countries. However, it's written, or shared rather, in such a way that it remains unemotional. The book is an account of events. It doesn't try to bring you to a certain conclusion or cast the stories in a better, or worse, light. It just is. That makes it both intriguing and difficult to relate to the characters. 

The character I felt most connected to wasn't a main figure, but simply a member of the group: Nancy. She seemed like a no-nonsense kind of woman who loved her husband. Her direction to have a hysterectomy due to the field of work was a little horrifying and appalling. This created a tangible thread that I could connect to her through, as a woman and as a wife. And then she is left as the loose end of Murray's life. Her death a mystery that he never solved. I feel that other readers could discover these threads that connect them to one or more of the characters, but as I previously said, the book isn't written to give the readers a connection. It's written as a memory. Something that happened, seemingly separate from its audience. 

The story line of Code Name: Papa follows the work of John and his team members through decades of work. It details assignments like a resume, the people linking the missions together. Though intriguing and entertaining, the connection to the characters falls a little short. I think readers will enjoy this book, but not feel any strong ties to it once it's finished. However, for those readers who may have more of an experience with this sort of work, perhaps the connections will pop out in a more defined way. I'd recommend this book to readers who enjoy the genres of military, covert operations, and adventure. Perhaps even those who like a good thriller, as some situations are most definitely thrilling. 

Rating: 3/5 Cups

The Psychopath Test

They say one out of every hundred people is a psychopath. You probably passed one on the street today. These are people who have no empathy, who are manipulative, deceitful, charming, seductive, and delusional. The Psychopath Test is the New York Times bestselling exploration of their world and the madness industry.

When Jon Ronson is drawn into an elaborate hoax played on some of the world’s top scientists, his investigation leads him, unexpectedly, to psychopaths. He meets an influential psychologist who is convinced that many important business leaders and politicians are in fact high-flying, high-functioning psychopaths, and teaches Ronson how to spot them. Armed with these new abilities, Ronson meets a patient inside an asylum for the criminally insane who insists that he’s sane, a mere run-of-the-mill troubled youth, not a psychopath—a claim that might be only manipulation, and a sign of his psychopathy. He spends time with a death-squad leader institutionalized for mortgage fraud, and with a legendary CEO who took joy in shutting down factories and firing people. He delves into the fascinating history of psychopathy diagnosis and treatments, from LSD-fueled days-long naked therapy sessions in prisons to attempts to understand serial killers.

Along the way, Ronson discovers that relatively ordinary people are, more and more, defined by their most insane edges. The Psychopath Test is a fascinating adventure through the minds of madness.

**

When I first added this book to my reading list, I thought it was fictional. I know, I know. Silly me. Upon finding it at the library last week, I immediately checked it out and dove right in. And then I realized it was non-fiction and I wasn't reading a mystery novel but a collection of interviews, news clippings, and first hand experience with psychopaths, which sounds more like a slur the more I hear it.

Jon Ronson begins with Being Or Nothingness, a mysteriously packaged book delivered to top scientists/thinkers around the world. And apparently, you can now purchase the book that started it all on Amazon for a steep forty dollars. After being hired to find the author and why it was sent to who it was sent to, Jon finds himself on the cusp of psychopath studies. Being a journalist, he obviously doesn't even think twice about stepping into this new and strange world. The journey he then goes on is an incredibly interesting tale of misuse of mental illness diagnosis, fear, and how the industry determines psychopathy. Though there are no main characters to connect to, readers will have a simple connection with Ronson, who shares his own anxieties and worries as the investigation continues. 

Though the book does have a linear fashion, that doesn't stop it from being confusing at times. As a reader that has no prior in-depth study of psychology, just your basic 101 college course, it was sometimes hard to understand what the interviewees were actually saying. Also, it was a bit difficult to know where Ronson was headed overall. What was his actual goal in doing this? At the beginning I thought he was going to compare psychopathic characteristics to the personalities of company bigwigs and politicians to find out if psychopaths have a greater tendency to gain leadership positions. Then I thought Ronson would just focus on Tony and others who he met while on this journey. But neither was fully the focus, both were the semi-focus with the end being more of an actual conclusion based on evidence presented: the madness industry defines psychopathy by the psychopathic events. Mental insanity is defined by the insane moments. Instead of seeing the blurs, the crossed lines, and the overall picture -- the focus is on the bits and pieces, not the whole picture. The Psychopath Test is an interesting exploration of the psychology world that isn't afraid to peek inside a maximum security asylum to cover all avenues. 

Rating: 2.5/5 Cups

Doing Germany

Agnieszka Paletta did what most of us only dream about doing – she quit her job, family and friends and traveled to live in a foreign country. And what’s more, she did this more than once. Call it reckless or fearless, that is she.

This laid-back, entertaining book is the story of this Polish-Canadian-lover-of-Italy’s move to Germany, a new frontier. Through her eyes, discover the curiosities of her surroundings; love some and gape at others, yearn for home, try to buy one, laugh with her and at her.

DOING GERMANY is travel writing at its best: a funny, irresistible portrait of Germany, set against the backdrop of Paletta’s relationship and vigorous loyalties as well as her devotion to Poland, Canada and Italy.

*May Contain Spoilers*

Agnieszka Paletta definitely did what I and many others have dreamed, planned out, but never actually went through with in her travel novel, Doing Germany. She decided one day to leave Canada and travel: to Poland, Italy, and Germany with other stops along the way. 

Doing Germany is a collection of short essays presented in a linear timeline. Through the tidbits of information she shares and the outline of her experiences, readers will have an easy time connecting to Paletta. She's funny, addicted to chocolate, open, adventurous, and maybe a little stubborn (refusing to learn German and all c:). Readers see her relationship with M, her husband, bloom while they live in Germany, a country that Paletta hadn't really wanted to visit and/or live in. 

The writing style is easy to follow with plenty of explanation, which is necessary when discussing foreign countries. A few of the essays were less than interesting while others were quite funny. All were enjoyable, especially for readers who are fascinated by life in foreign countries, like I am. Paletta does a wonderful job transporting readers to Germany and letting them experience small adventures along side her, but I would have liked to see the book begin when Paletta got to Italy or Poland. I think it would have been that much more fascinating to witness her arrival in a foreign country, her unhappiness with the situation, and her decision to have a bigger adventure. 

Rating: 3/5 Cups

Eat Pray Love

In her early thirties, Elizabeth Gilbert had everything a modern American woman was supposed to want--husband, country home, successful career--but instead of feeling happy and fulfilled, she felt consumed by panic and confusion. This wise and rapturous book is the story of how she left behind all these outward marks of success, and of what she found in their place. Following a divorce and a crushing depression, Gilbert set out to examine three different aspects of her nature, set against the backdrop of three different cultures: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence.

**

A collection of 108 short pieces combine to form Eat Pray Love, the nonfiction bestseller by Elizabeth Gilbert. Faced with unhappiness and an overwhelming depression, Elizabeth begins a journey to become closer to God and pull herself out of the darkness that has consumed her life. 

Each short essay is a puzzle piece that creates a world where Elizabeth can be devout in her faith and in herself. She bares all in this novel, throwing down the gauntlet and astoundingly admitting her every fault. Gilbert connects with readers through her admission of guilt, shortcomings, and life experiences. Each life experience may not resonate with every reader, but every reader will definitely recognize at least one common denominator between themselves and Gilbert. 

The journey that she faces is one of erratic ups and downs. As she travels through India, Indonesia, and Italy, Gilbert documents her feelings of love and loss. Both which let her find God, moving away from the past and into the present. 

Though some of the essays are tedious to read and hard to connect with, the writing style of Gilbert brings life to the death of her depression. She gives readers an account on how she discovered a path out of her personal hell. I found Eat Pray Love to be a lovely book of expanding hope and would recommend it happily.

Rating: 3.5/5 Cups

Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia